Saving the world, me

Usually I don't weigh in on big issues, but crisis work in public relations needs some innovation.

I may have an extensive arrest record, but I also have 15 years experience in dispelling collective fear, despair, and lost hope.

Because I'm a mascot, and that's what we do!

Mascots have been helping large crowds cultivate their God-given enthusiasm, happiness and well-being for...um...bascially ETERNITY. SO why not on Wall Street?

This is why I'm starting my own contest: Wall Street needs a mascot. Not a bull or bear UNLESS THEY STOP TAKING THEMSELVES SO SERIOUSLY. When's the last time a mascot was 500 pounds and cast in iron?

Now, before you dismiss this as another attempt to get ladies, ask yourself: would there be so much fear and anxiety if Lehman Brothers had introduced from day one Lee-mee the Happy Cougar?

Think about it. Especially you ladies.