Correction

I did not mean to imply that last week's winner of Most Adorable Sentient Being in a Ted Greenberg Dickie is my parole officer.

Extinction

So they're saying at least one in four land species on Earth face extinction in the near future. I vote that no extreme measures be taken to save whatever rare ethnic group my parole officer belongs to. Anyone second that?

Crazy makers

Over the weekend Sarah Palin said Barack Obama "pals around with terrorists." Um, does she have any sense of irony?

Someone should get a Mascot nerf hammer and bop her on the head with it.

I'm not going to get into my political beliefs (I'm voting for whoever has the best halftime show) but geez.

She's got pizazz, I'll admit that. But this whole running for Vice President of the United States thing reminds me a lot of the process of becoming a mascot. Lots of rallying crowds and distorting the truth. And you end up just as broken but without any good music.

Correction

In case anyone was confused by that last post: *I* am the good looking one.

Barracudas

Anyone watch the Vice Presidential debates last night?

Everyone calls Sarah Palin a Barracuda. Sarahcuda. (anyone else gagging?) So why don't Republicans make a Barracuda mascot for Sarah Palin?

I'll tell you why. It would scare voters. Her id is a predator. Barracudas eat babies.

Let's remember that. I'm just realizing how grateful I am to work for a man who at least knows his own mascot is a human. A very special human who is spectacularly good looking.

Mascot down!

Man Pleads Guilty For Harassing Mr Met!

Of course, leave it to the media to subtly undercut this tragedy. Mr Met is a VICTIM, and yet The Daily News calls him a "grinning humanoid".

Still, it's nice to see the law protecting Mascots for once. Doing some quick math in my head, about 100% of my friends have been on the other end of the harassment charges.

Wall Street's newest mascot

OK, we're going to need a 3rd grader to dress up like a puppy and become WALL STREET'S CUTEST MASCOT EVER. Like I said, crisis relief is my middle name. Because I'm a mascot.

That's what I'm here for.

I'm high fiving you right now.

Name suggestions?