DANCING WITH THE STARS

I just put in my bid to be on DWTS. Yes, I know what you're thinking: Will I be allowed to wear my mascot head while dancing with a female, even though the terms of my probation forbid it?
Probably not.

But that's what the SoHo playhouse is for. Illegal activity and fun with "Sean Connery" Greenberg.

Incidentally, these ladies are sisters.

Rioters

Ever pull your hamstring and sprain your wrist while trying to escape from a mob at Ted Greenberg's off broadway show? Well, you wait yet. Those people are superbly intelligent fun loving and secretly untameable animals. This is the before shot. I am typing this with one hand and an eye patch.

my conquest of last Saturday night

In fact, yes, this hot chick.

Hot chick & demystification

This hot chick totally fawning over me is an oil tycoon in Mesopotamia.

Eastern European Sausage Party

An unemployed war photographer took this picture after last Saturday. I am pretty sure the guy in blue used to be the President of Georgia.

Open Bar Saturday

Greenberg is trying to kill me. Whenever he has open bars, the audience starts gettinga little too wild. Like less playful domesticated puppy dog-wild, more foaming at the mouth scary baby you found in the woods-wild.

But do they get more wild than the mascot, you ask?

1. of course not because
2. I have a slingshot and a drinking problem.

The end!

Boycott the New York Times

This article about mascots in the New York Times is the last straw. It's an article about "mascots" with no mention of the Burger Method or ME. It's just a profile about bullshit foamy costumes. It had so little substance I'm surprised that seven foot tall blonde Style lady didnt write it.

And FYI, I went to Mascot Academy with the Rooster in this picture and he has forty five nipples.